The Big Thick Book

I'm not sure whats going on anymore. It's been so long since I've written anything down, I don't know why I should bother starting up again now. It's not like theres any reason for it...no one to remember me. No one I want to think about me. I've done such awful things, I don't deserve to be remembered.

Thats not true

Sure it is..dumb whore

It's not true..its not that I dont want to be remembered..its that I dont want to be remembered like this..I'm not even sure if these are my thoughts or Nini's...shes the only one that will talk to me though..

I thought I saw her again. I dont want another one, and its not fair that it would be her voice in my head.

I guess maybe I'm lonely. I've met some new people, but I'm too afraid to see any of them too often. I can't get attached..not again. It just brings trouble. I'm a horrible person. Black cat..bad luck. I've been telling people that for years..no one listens

thats cause its superstitious nonsense

Sometimes I wish Nini wouldnt talk so much...shes the only one I trust though. Eva hurts people..Zee...ugh...

fuck you Linzee

theres another one there...she doesnt say her name..

I need to make a doctor's appointment..but I can't pay for it anymore. Thats why i got kicked out of the hospital in the first place. But I can't take it anymore. Teddy makes me..do such awful things just to make the voices stop. I dont know if he likes torturing me or if..maybe he just likes Zee too much..I can't stand..*words start to become scribbles*

Too many cooks ruin the meal...to many voices ruin the diary...

*taps her pen on the paper so many times that large dots appear all over the place*

bored...

i got arrested...not sure what to do. Use to be..I'd call Mistress..or Nia..or even Lucy..but two ut of three arent an option..and one isnt an option because she can't know I'm here. I miss Mistress...

Being in a police department doesnt seem to scare me all that much..I suppose its cause of all the time i spent around people in uniform. Maybe..or maybe its cause if I'm locked up like this at least I know I can't harm anyone.

That was part of the reason i committed myself..till they kicked me out

yeah that was funny, no body wants you

She's right..no one does..at least no one should

The police lady..she said she'd let me go if someone could claim me..like a sort of stray dog..thats what i am i guess...no place to call home..maybe thats why I dont mind this cell..at least i have a bed

police lady wants to get me into a hospital for evaluation..i told her i tried before but i got kicked out, she said she wants to try again...its cause Nini and i got into an argument

so i guess i'll rot in here..or be committed and spend my life in a straitjacket if im lucky..im bad luck anyways

Speaking of which..met a nice um..gypsy lady i guess..runs this little shop with crazy stuff and does fortune tellings..gave me one for free..not sure what it all meant really but..she said that i have a lot of potential for love..and hate..not sure which one i even want. She brought me in when some strange lady was following me, gave me a drink to calm me down. I dont really know what it was but one sec i was standing there, the next i was sitting in a chair and confused as hell as to how i got there. Felt good though..I could use another right now..she was nice..and being in a warm room felt better than trying to huddle up next to those trash bins in the junk yard..