The irascible waitress: or how i learned to stop smoking and love the bomb.

Is anything in the world more narcissistic than blogging? It seems the sort of navel gazing baby-boomer crap i decry in my parents. Here i sit however, trying to make sense of this new Sinner's rest.

My primary observation is that most of the citizens of Deadend that migrated here were either dropped as children or were thalidomide exposed in the womb. There's a helplessness that can't be explained away simply by being the product of middle America.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I just need a fucking smoke. Fuck that girl and her "your mouth tastes like an ashtray" bullshit. I'm a smoker. I'm starting to wonder what the fuck to do with my lips. If i chew any more gum I swear to god I'll poison this whole damn town. I never realized how much i could hate juicy fruit.

Cloee's kidnapped. it's making me want to smoke.

Freaks in costumes thinking they are fucking batman. Really, what the fuck is wrong with these people? Are you rapists or cosplayers?

Messa has fortunately been laying off the espresso thing. I caught her loosening the bolts the other day to the coffee pot. If it breaks she's fired. This assumes she survives the trade for Cloee. One i care about even if she makes me not smoke, one ....

well I'm sure there's something good about Messa.

Raja, cop, masseuse... chili affecianado?

The pippi-longstockingesque wife of our new chief of police has offered a partnership wherein she will make and i will sell her chili. if global warming let's us have winter this year it might be a good idea. I will have to taste her recipe to see if it's worth serving. Her cuisine might reflect her Nordic look. I defy swedes to make good chili. I have an oddly good feeling about it though. Ill have to credit her in the menu.

In other Deadender news.... Katey is looking for a job but won't take one here. Beggers cant be choosers. I was going to say that she must not be that hungry, but one look at her ass and you can tell she's not missing meals yet.

Some effete deadend fop ordered a mother fucking "skinny latte" today. Does my joint look like i know what the fuck a skinny latte is?

Estos his name was, at least that's what Ceara called him. Bitchy little ponce had the temerity to question whether the milk was cows milk. Fucking retard thinks im deaf, i was in the process of taking his order when he does that stage whisper bullshit.

when i informed him we had regular coffee he's like 'you do warm the mugs right?"

mugs? you get a proper fucking CUP of coffee. Next asshole that orders some kinda bullshit starbucks caramel macciato or whatever the fuck is finding out what that woman in the McDonald's suit found out.

Coffee is too hot for genital contact.

Sadly, nobody has earned a lapful of hot coffee today.

Yesterday another damn jackass in a mask came to the diner. I swear everyone in this town thinks they are fucking zorro. He fingered his cute little knife at me. I picked up a cleaver to let him know that mine was bigger. It'd be pathetically macho if he wasnt so obviously deranged. If he comes in he will learn what that investigator from the CBI learned...

Ash thinks she heard someone's vagina talking. Part of me is tempted to believe her. there is some seriously weird shit going on in this town. I get cloee back tomorrow.... i miss her, she keeps me grounded.

Ain't that a kick in the nuts.
Well it was for the new doctor last night. He came down after putting messa to bed and had some words with Isa. She was oversexed as always and let him pull down her pants and give her a thorough examination. Somewhere in the middle her weird rage switch flipped.

It POSSIBLY could be because he went from charming doctor to complete cro-magnon jerk. Whatever the reason it was fucking hilarious, both him harrassing her and her eventual explosion. she was standing with her pants around her thighs, screaming at him and all i could do was laugh and point out i could see her short and curlies.
Upon pulling up her pants she kicks him square in the nuts, whereupon he falls and cracks his skull into hers.

I laughed so hard i was weeping. Sometimes life in this shitty little burg is alright

The mouse that roared.

Kelsey fucking Edelman.

Really? That mouthy ungrateful bitch sassed me the entire time i was freeing her from some trap some person with more sense than me put her in. Had i known what a seriously ungrateful whore she was, i'd have slapped that gag back in her mouth and sold her ass for a dollar on the menu. Instead, after taking a bit of her shit i spanked her ass red like the petulant child she is.

Well, who knew SRPD's biggest failure had it in her. she fucking maced me and tied me up in her own diner. IF it wasnt for some idiot girl (probably a deadender) coming in i never would have gotten free. Joke's on you Edelman.

I locked her in the freezer then let her go. Tiff came by to see if i wanted to press charges, but i think all im going to press is my ass on her tongue.