A delicate flower trying to grow

Staring at the laptop on the coffee table, Alle walks to the chair and sighs as she sits in the comfortable chair. She smiles as she starts to write. It bad been a long while since she had wrote anything. she missed writing and sharing her thoughts, even if no one saw them. Taking the laptop on to her lap, she settles down to write her heart out.

"Well I have been here a while now, almost two months can you believe that? It seems like a lifetime ago. So much has happened since last time i wrote anything .. When I left H-town I left it all behind. My writing , my life, my job, and my friends, what little i had. I left a mess behind me. So many memories so much pain. Now i can take the time and heal . I am doing' very well now. I have gained weight like i should. I eat on regular bases now. I think i look healthy again.

I have a job .. well two jobs now. funny thing is both jobs are working with food. The second one isn't open yet , but both jobs are good. Means more money .. maybe someday i will save enough and make something of myself. maybe I will go back to school. before i am to old. Well the first Job is working for Nov. She and i go way back to school. We stayed at the same dorm. When I sent a letter to her, she told me to come and stay with her. So i did that and now I am the manger at La Vita Bella. I love the work . I watch the cook Tony make food I have learned so much. I am excited to keep learning.

Well the other job. That is also a manger position. It's at a fish place. It reminds me of papa's shop. I think working there will remind me where I came from. Hard workers, good people and always a smile. The Owner of the shop is Damion. He's a nice man.. I am still getting to know him and his.. girl..A slave. yes i know that is weird for me. honestly tho I like them both. At first i was weird out. Not sure how to act or responded. Then i meet her and it all seemed right.. I felt good .. I felt like i could do this. He and I talked about The baby i lost. Yes, i was pregnant with Loch's baby. I don't know how it happened .. Well I know how, but how he and i got there i don't know .. All I know is i felt alone I told Nov about the baby and she seemed freaked out. I honestly don't blame her. I'd hate me too. Well.. that night i met Damion. I was heart broken , he invited me to see his shop, He offered me a job that pays a lot of money. We started talking.. I spilled almost everything.. I had no idea what came over me. Next thing i know he offers me what i want most .. to be a mother and be his girlfriend. I honestly didn't know what to say . I did say to the girlfriend part tho. He and I had a disagreement tho yesterday. I saw him with a girl actually it was Luna's sister Ranie. He was showing his bank statement. I accused him of trying to pick up a stripper. I know .. I know how dumb.. but well my luck with men is horrible .. I ended up saying I was sorry.. and met his slave girl. We spent the night talking after awhiles she went for a walk. He and I talked the rest of the night and I told him about being a slave and why I wouldn't and why I wanted to make sure she was safe. I didn't tell him about attacking the man or almost killing him. Maybe I won't have to. No one know why I am here in Sinner rest .. so maybe it won't come up. Well Nov knows parts of it , but not all. Anyways. I spent the night with him and his girl It was wonderful. I had fun .. this morning I told him I wanted a baby. So I guess we're going to try . See how it goes.

I have a place to live .. I live on the beach . Reminds me of home, the water, and the view, even in a place like this there is something beautiful. I know this place isn't prefect, it's kinda well yea.. I think I will do well here. I have friends again. I have a job, a home, friends, A lover, and maybe soon a baby. We'll see. I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop.. Life is to prefect right now. I wonder what it will be.. Well I guess this is long enough. I hope I didn't miss anything. I will write soon. I guess I need to write again . I have missed it .. I have been scared to write ..it means there is a record somewhere of me .. I just need to stay hidden a bit longer.. It will be okay.. I tell myself that everyday. I don't want any of this to be a dream or bad .. How could it be ? Why would it be? But enough is enough it's time to go .. I should enjoy what I have , it may not be around forever.. “

Alle saves the entry and closes the laptop. Tears in her eyes she was happy why was she thinking about the bad? About being caught. She would be okay . Either way . She wanted the life she had now. She was going to fight for it . That was all she could do.

Walking into the kitchen and making a cup of tea, Alle walks back to the couch and settles down. She sighs softly and spots the laptop.Her hands wrapped around the warm mug. She thinks she should write again but not sure what to write about. Setting the mug down on the coffee table. while leaning forward grabs the laptop at least it will be warm. She wraps up in a blanket and starts to type.

" Well .. What is new? Nothing really. I haven't seen Damion is days maybe to busy with whatever he does. I don't even know what he does.. the shop isn't even opened, doesn't even look close.. I don't know what I am suppose to do . So i am moving on with my life.. Who wants to give a baby with someone who doesn't love them ? He confuses me. I honest don't think he is the man he says he is.. He does Treat Beauty with respect, but does he respect me ? does he just want to use me to have another child ? would he take the baby from me? I don't know .. i honestly don't know him well enough .. What am i thinking? what kind of woman is okay with a man who has a slave? what kind of man offers a child without love? wants to start on it right away. I honestly hope I am not with child .. I guess i wanted to be a mother so bad .. I didn't stop and think first .. Now what do i do ? I can't tell Nov .. what do i tell her? " umm i am dumb and wel now mixed up with a man i can't trust, oh and he has a slave that is okay tho .. " gah .. how can i be so stupid .. this is the kind of stuff that almost got me killed in H-town. I think in someways i have been avoiding Damion til i figure out what to do about him. I do care about Beauty and him .. just don't know if i can love them and be normal.. I can't be normal with that .. I may work there but i can't be his lover. "

Takes a break and grabs her tea. She smiles and drinks the tea a bit. thinking of everything she had just wrote. She sighs as tears start to well in her eyes. she takes a breathe trying to hold back tears. she should contuine to write but she was starting to tire. she finishes her tea and sets the mug down. She looks at the pictures on the wall .. Of places she wished to go .Warm nice places, place far away from here. she leans down and picks up the laptop and starts t o write again.

" what else is new? Oh i have been sick .. It wasn't pretty but starting to feel better. Been staying home a lot. I feel warm and safe in my home. Outside is all the evil of the world .. Where can i feel truely safe? It's home .. but home is long gone. Momma and papa Are both gone now .. Billy .. well no idea where he is .. the farm is gone .. the boats are gone.. the money is gone .. everything i held dear and near is gone .. Now I am running from the law .. what a mess i have become .. I don't know who or why anyone would be proud of me .. or what i have done . I wish Momma and papa were still here... to help me and take care of me .. I can't tell Novi .. she's be so disspointed with me .. beside I've hurt her enough already . I will find away out of this mess .. I can do it .. i .. i .. just have to want to .. Well .. i guess that is all i have to say this time. so til next time. "

Saves the entry and sighs softly . She holds the laptop a moment . then put it's down and shuts it down and walks upstairs to her warm bed. She snuggles down into bed . Dreaming of a new life with warmth and love and everything she wished for.