Ceara's personal diary - daily letters sent home to her sister

Wednesday 16 September
Sitting outside a basic-looking cafe in this run-down city. I can't quite believe I'm actually doing this. Damn daddy and his hair-brained ideas. Got here yesterday and wandered about this depressing place.

Doesn't seem even to have a hotel - let alone any decent accomodation - no proper restaurants either. Though I have to admit - the pancakes at that place - Zoe's - were good even if tea wasn't, and the decor - well - enough said. The serving girl was nice enough, even if obviously untrained in basic waitressing skils, let alone the silver service that any decent restaurant should expect. Reminds me of the cafeteria back when I was at school.

Some weird characters about - hanging in shady alleyways. I think I'm going to get me some defence - that pearl-handled knife perhaps.

A weirdo just came by - seemed to be dripping blood everywhere - glad he didn't drip over me - was asking for someone I'd never heard of - as if I would know anyone in this place. Someone called Messa. Funny name. But when he turned away - I couldn't take my eyes off him - god what an arse on that guy!! I sent him to the clinic but don't think he went there - went off to drip blood somewhere else I expect.

Did see one person of some refinement - a lady dressed in blue - vaguely eastern in appearance - writing something at this very table. I've wondered since who she was - hadn't expected to see anyone else of breeding in this place. Wonder what she does here. Well spoken too - and polite - when I asked about the restaurant opening hours. Wonder if I'll meet her again.

Had to go to the next town to find a room last night - same again tonight I suppose - must find somewhere to stay here or I'll get nowhere with travelling all the time.

Can't stop thinking about that guy and his bum ....... Wonder why he was bleeding - hope he got fixed up somewhere.

Went in and had a meal at the place I'm sitting outside of - it was like the other cafe - the food looked awful but tasted great - and the tea was terrible. And the waitress could do with some training - a week at the house with Edward would sort her out - oh well.

Met an odd girl - seemed a bit mixed up and for some reason had her wrists cuffed together - managed to help her - got the handyman to get the cuffs off for her - and gave her something to buy some better clothes with. She looked like a whore and was trying to get a secretary's job poor thing. Nice girl - no breeding of course, but a good heart. Hope she uses the money wisely and doesn't fritter it away.

And that handyman had a great backside too - now I've got two bums to dream of - what is it about guys and bums in this place - time for a quick subject change ...

All a bit surreal.

Thursday 17 September
Well here I am again, sitting bored, outside the same run-down cafe in the same run-down city. Nobody about - streets are just dusty - wonder when the street-cleaners come by - if ever.

Dreampt all night of a succession of guys in jeans and dungarees, and their bums - and - well - no I'm not going there ....

Wish this cafe would open up - not going to try their tea again, but the omelette at least was good. Wait - I hear footsteps - oh - its a girl in a black trouser suit - she looks as bored as I am

Oh - now who's this - shocking outfit - dress so transparent she might as well not have been wearing it - wonder if she knows what she looks like - but at least she looks like she's going to somewhere she means to be. Sort of vaguely oriental. Wonder if she'll come back - I'd like to get a glimpse of her again !

Time to settle down for a bit of people-watching I think. Perhaps I should count hot bums - that's three so far - two guys yesterday, and that girl in the transparent dress.

Need to figure out how to get to know this place a bit - but plenty of time for that I suppose - nothing seems to move very fast here. I don't think daddy's in any hurry - just as well really.

((some smudges here - the paper had obviously gotten a bit wet))

Why the hell am I here? Why does it have to be me? - just met 'hot bum' the fourth. A nice seeming guy - smart, well spoken, knew how to treat a lady - introduced himself - suggested we went for a drink - silly of me but I went along - just seemed a good thing to do. Went to that 'club' place - nobody there- the guy - Craig he said he was - helped himself to drinks - I told him the owner would object and he shouldn't - then the owner came and objected - and guess what - it was hot bum number three - that girl with the transparent dress ! it's a small world! She was rightly furious and stomped off to get the authorities. I

He was all for scarpering- couldn't let him do that - made him wait to square up when the owner came back, with or without the authorities - was a long wait - and this ditzy, scared girl runs in babbling about not being allowed outside and being in terrible trouble. I tried to tell her to face up to things rather than quivering in a corner - don't know if it sank in. Then hot-bum the fourth - craig - grabs my hair and tries to pull me over - I fought him off - got him in the bollocks I think - then he spins some cock-and-bull story about wanting to show the ditzy girl about standing up and facing adversity. But he smiled so nicely, and seemed so genuine when he said he should have warned me, that I let myself buy it - and he didn't really hurt me anyway. Then the owner came back - who the ditzy girl called Miss Ming I think - anyway - the guy was honest, owned up to what he'd done, paid for the drinks and then some - and all was settled amicably - he did the honourable thing.

I went off with him - looking for a ladies room somewhere - to fix my hair and face after that little fracas - god I looked a mess - and he chatted away - quite charming - he obviously has education and knows his manners. Then would you know it, but he goes for me again - lures me into a run-down room and jumps me. I try to fight but this time he's too strong - he gets me on my back - then without warning, he grins, says 'gotcha' and jumps off, helping me up. I dinna get him - he's bloody gorgeous - and strong - and god he gets me horny - but why in hell does he keep jumping me - he's scary too - and I'm sure he was popping pills as I stormed out. He called after me but he can go stick himself - I've had it with him - went and had a good cry and felt a lot better. Next time - he'd better watch his step. I really am going to start carrying that little knife around with me, just in case. ((note to sister - don't give this bit to daddy - I don't want him barging in to protect his beloved daughter))

Friday 18th September
Yawns - back here again - more or less got over the shock of yesterday. Settled down at what has become my usual table outside the cafe - but I guess it'll be Christmas before they notice I'm here. Oh - here she comes already - didn't expect that! Service as slapdash as before, but at least its done with a smile - not risking the tea again. They've got a real chef here today - the omelette they brought out was spectacular - delicious - what a difference! Called the girl out to compliment her and gave her a little token to show my appreciation - a delightful girl, and deaf, poor thing. She's amazing. Unlike one of the waitresses that came out - covered in tattoos like a common guttersnipe - and then ran off while talking to me! And I was told afterwards that she was the owner! Well I never! They brought proper water out without being asked though - perhaps the girls here are learning a little about good service after all. We'll see.

Dozed off for a bit - woke to find a large bunch of roses in front of me - and a note about 'being sorry', and 'explaining everything'. It wasn't signed but it's got to be 'hot bum the fourth' from yesterday ...... sat for a long time just looking at them. Found I had tears in my eyes - hope nobody noticed - he's gorgeous - not just his bum - but - how could he do what he did - he's mixed up somehow - and I'm sure I saw him with some pills. I expect he'll be coming to find me after those flowers - what am I going to do when I see him?

Well - he came for me - all apologies, another rose in his hand - turns out he's ill and for some reason forgot to take his meds - which is why he was funny yesterday. I can handle that - like cousin Roger who goes manic without his pills. Give him his due - he's trying to make amends - and he's going the right way about it. He wants more than just making amends though - he made that clear when he gave me a beautiful diamond bracelet - that was sweet - though I wonder how he afforded it - must have cost a lot - by the standards of this place anyway.

So he's after me but he's going to find a lady doesn't fall into his arms, or his bed at the first rose - he's got to work at this a bit yet! Wouldn't do to be too easy! But - oh - his bum - and he's gorgeous, when he's taken his meds that is.

Life is looking up !!

grins

Saturday 19th September
Guess what - was heading towards my usual table when I see that refined lady again - she stopped and talked - made me think a bit, about how to fit in here. It's hard - this godforsaken place is so different, and depressing. But she's nice, and is just as refined as she looks.

God I want to go home. Damn daddy and his hairbrain ideas.

Went back to Zoe's - horrified to learn the serving girl was actually the manageress and owner - really put my foot in it - thankfully Zoe was very gracious about it. To begin with, service was much improved on last time - and the fish and chips and apple pie were superb - worthy of a much higher class of establishment. But the visit was marred when she was distracted by other customers, and forgot to bring the last part of my order. I waited for what much have been more than half an hour before I gave up and left. She needs some staff - one person cannot cook and service wtih proper attention, several tables. Upshot - that restaurant (except for the tea) serves excellent food, but when busy, it seems one has to be extremely patient beyond the 'call of duty' !

Wondered if I'd see 'hot bum the fourth' today but no sign of him - pity - was looking forward to seeing his next actions. But saw "hot bum the third" come in - don't think she recognised me from the other day though. Just as well.

I want to go home.

I want to go home.

I WANT TO GO HOME !!!

Sunday 20th September
Sorry about that outburst in yesterday's letter - I'm not coming straight home - I'm going to stick this out. Really I am.

Went to the cafe - opened the door - quickly closed it again and walked away - you don't want to know what was going on inside - disgraceful it was - but Zoe's was shut and I had to get breakfast somewhere so I went back and sat outside. Got coffee this time - it was ok, but I had to send the cheesy toast back - the manageress came out, tattoos and all, to replace it for me - what came the second time was much better. Not like when that delightful deaf girl is cooking though.

A weird woman arrived out of the blue - went in - and shortly after, came out again - looking as disgusted with the behaviour inside as I was. Bizarre - I don't know quite how to describe her - dressed a bit like a cross between a whore and a policewoman, and with all sorts of stuff on her person - cuffs, whip, and a whole lot of stuff I couldn't guess at the purpose of. Said she was a mental health professional of some sort trying to get a job at the assylum here - not sure whether to feel sorry for her patients! But the strangest thing - she knew how to speak and behave - the last thing I expected.

We had a very strange chat - I dont' know quite what to make of her - but I'm sure she's not quite as she seems - think she's hiding something, but don't know what. A bit scary, though charming and well spoken on the surface. Pricked up my ears at one thing she said - that the assylum she used to work at closed for lack of funds - which is why she's here. I wonder how this place is funded ?

Later on went into Stephs again for a snack - was taken aback when the waitress there was unbelievably rude and ignored my presence completely. I said nothing - was shocked inside, but not a word was exchanged. It was the same girl that served me the cheesy toast earlier that I had had to politely send back. That can be the only explanation for the shocking behaviour - I cannot understand how a girl with that attitude can be a success working with the public. Oh well - I'll let it pass - she probably isn't worth worrying about. Eventually I got bored of waiting and wandered out to go elsewhere. I'll try the cafe again when other staff are on before I decide whether to bypass the place in future.

Was wondering if I'd see hot bum the fourth today - but seems it was not to be - oh well.

Tuesday 22 September
err - this is a cleaner at 'the rest' - I found this patient in a restraint cot - she'd been left there - was alone - she begged and pleaded with me to let her out of there, but more than ma job's worth, you know? But I managed to clean her up a bit and give her a drink - she'd thrown up overnight - more than once I think, and couldn't do anything about it, being tied down like she was.

She said she is Ceara and asked if I would write down what she said and send it to you - so here goes - it's not word-for-word cause she was a bit incoherent and hard to understand - but I done my best ....

That's it - that's bloody it ! stick daddy and stick the bloody trust fund and stick this bloody place and all - nothing is worth this - as soon as I get out of here I'm coming home - had enough !!! (didn't get the next bit exactly - she said she's stuck in this restraint cot on her back with no heffing clothes, an her f-ing c..t on display like a bloody museum exhibit for all passers by to gawp at - and had it not been for me, she'd have been lying in a pool of her own vomit all night ! And she's desperate for a pee but I can't help her there - all the cupboards are locked here - can't get to anything.

she raved a while - then calmed down slightly and here is what I pieced together of the story - she was attacked - something strange happened involving a woman with steel claws and a knife called Gemini who's back, whatever that means who gave her strange bite marks on her neck too - look like a sort of butterfly shape - anyway she fell in the sea and couldn't get out for hours and was cold - could hardly move when someone rescued her - someone she had met the previous day - this person worked here at the 'rest' - brought her here and wrapped her up in bandages and an electric blanket to get her warmed up - but when she was warm, didn't stop - until her head was spinning and she couldn't think straight - was so hot. And said something about telling them about Roger and Grandma Phoebe - whatever that means

then when she was released, she keeled over and fainted as soon as she stood up - then woke up in this restraint cot with a splitting headache and immediately threw up - lay there fuming and crying alternately for hours till I found her.

she's in quite a state - she says "don't tell daddy" - she needs a medic to clean her up properly and sort her out - don't know what's wrong but the state she's in, I'm glad she's restrained - she looks like she'd have a go at anyone and everyone she can get at right now !

Hope this gets to you and means more to you than it does me !

Tuesday 23 September - later on
God my head hurts - I'm coming home tomorrow - I've really had it with this place.

Hope that account from the cleaner reached you - she was a real angel of mercy - and very tolerant because I don't think was very grateful at the time - it all fades into a bit of a blur. And DON'T give any of this to daddy !! Wish I knew who she was - I'd like to thank her - without her, I'd have been lying in my own vomit all night - was a horrible job she did, cleaning me up! She wouldn't let me out though, but I do understand why.

Eventually, that orderly came by - I yelled at her that I needed to use the facilities - NOW - was desperately hanging on - and she prevaricated and delayed, and didn't do a thing until I'd been totally humiliated and soaked the bed in front of her eyes - then finally, she slipped a bedpan under me, told me to 'finish' and sat and watched while I did - I wanted to curl up and die. The bitch! She'd injected me with something that made me go all sleepy and woozy - suddenly I found I didn't care what happened - just wanted to be left alone and close my eyes - but couldn't - she made me go with her to a shower and got me cleaned up - suddenly I was a little girl again, with mummy washing my hair and bathing me - felt nice, soothed and 'cared for'. That bloody injection - made me make a right fool of myself. She put me in what she called a 'steam box' - funny hot thing - found myself answering questions about my schooldays without thinking about it - told her about that mad party and the drugs that got me kicked out from school. And about cousin Roger and weird grandma Phoebe. That was a mistake - I could see in her eyes she was making mental notes.

She showed me round the place - me with no clothes on - for anybody to see !!! and somehow I didn't care ! Anyway - I was starting to think more clearly - that drug must have been wearing off - she sat me down on a sofa to talk - I was starting to feel irritated and asked for my clothes - then saw her fiddling with something out of my sight - I'll bet she was preparing to pump more of that drug into me. I managed to keep my cool - and bribed her with my necklace into finding something to wear and letting me go. Think it was all the diamonds on it that did the trick - though had to give her my nice watch as well. Not to worry - I'll replace them next time I'm passing the jewellers.

Anyway - I ended up, dressed like a cross between a tart and a clown, but was what she found for me - my own clothes had been cut to ribbons by that gemini woman.

With a splitting headache, and still feeling the woozy after-effects of that injection, I was finally able to walk back into town - feeling strangely surreal and 'free'. Tried that chinese medicine place for a headache cure - found it was owned by hot-bum the third, but this time dressed properly, like a lady should - and sophisticated. Her cure was a funny smelling cream stuff - but its starting to work !!! Also discovered she served food there - so she got me a soup and what she said was 'fried egg' - but wasn't - don't know what it was, but it was a big plateful and it tasted fantastic. She didn't seem to have any idea what to charge me for it though - the bill changed from a few $ to 64$, to 4$ - was weird. Finally gave her 20$ for everything - she gave me a funny note back in change - no idea what it is but I'll keep it somewhere as a reminder of the experience! She's nice.

Finished writing this up at the able outside the shop. Going to get the bus back to my hotel in the next town now - coming home tomorrow!!!!, once I'm back to 'myself' - can't be seen at home when I'm still feeling 'funny'.

COMING HOME !!!!!!

Wednesday 23 September
I must be mad - I'm back outside the cafe again!

I cried buckets this morning. I was getting dressed to come home - but I couldn't do it. What would daddy think of his little girl if I bottled it now - and that money - it's a lot to throw away because of some bloody bitch in a so-called hospital. I just can't do it - I've got to give this another go. This place is a bloody nightmare. But I managed to endure finishing school - I'll get through this too - somehow.

I did see that clinic place looked desperately short of funds - made me wonder... but I hate that place.

And if I see that bitch again, I'll be heading in the opposite direction - she still thinks I'm a nutcase - I'm sure she'll have me back again given half a chance. I'm not keeping her in necklaces just to keep me out of there !

Thursday 24th September
Well, back outside the cafe again, watching the world go by. Saw hot-bum the second - the handyman - just as hot as ever in those working clothes! Love the way he tips his hat - but why does he always walk away so quickly - never get a really good look at him!

But somebody needs to take this cafe in hand - the service here is erratic to say the least. A girl came out almost immediately to take my order - took it - and then vanished abruptly inside without even acknowledging that she'd even heard me. A minute later, she was off somewhere in a hurry.

Then I waited, and waited, and waited - while I saw that girl serve several other people. Must be half an hour later, she came out and slams the coffee on the table - somehow without spilling it. Makes a very rude and out-of-order remark and goes back inside. She should be reported to the management - she lets the cafe down badly - but I'm not up for the argy-bargy after the last few days and I guess she's their problem, not mine. I'm going to let it pass this time. And the toast she brought was ok, even if not exactly graciously delivered! She better not keep this up for too long though!

Lots of folk about now - I'm going to people-watch for a bit.

At last !!!!!! I've got somewhere to stay !!!!! YIPEEE - no more commuting !!! It's amazing how fantastic it feels to have it - even though if this house were on daddy's estate it would be scheduled for demolition and redevelopment. But it's MINE - feels very strange - I've never had a real place all of my own before !!!! It'll be fun going shopping to furnish it ! and - I'm not sure - but I think hot-bum the third is my neighbour - the sophisticated lady from the medicine place - maybe I'll get to know her!

And all down to a tip-off from that tattoo-encrusted cafe owner - it all goes to show - you can't judge someone by their appearance !! she's a star !!!

Off to the furniture shops now - or should it be pictures, and a jewelry box of course - or is it carpet first, or - oh - what the hell I'm going to enjoy myself !!!

Friday 25th September
oh god! woke up this morning aching and sore - had been so excited yesterday I was determined to sleep in my own place - even though I've not even got a bed yet - didn't realise how hard the bare floor would feel this morning! And no soap, no towels, no wardrobe, no change of clothes. And suddenly feeling like I really am 'living' in this god-forsaken dump - am I mad?

Someone's been following me today - I'm sure of it - kept seeing glimpses of movement out of the corner of my eye - but managed to shake him (or her) off.

Saw that orderly from the 'hospital' - shuddered at the way she 'grinned' at me - walked quickly off in the opposite direction. She's got to be planning something - need to keep my wits about me.

Went to Zoe's - as before, the food she served tasted great if one looked turned a blind eye to it's presentation. And she said she'd got proper tea on order! That's nice of her. She was asking about how I was - found myself talking to her - somehow she's easy to talk to - was telling her about home and realised that daddy's house isn't 'home' - that nowhere feels like'home' - I just live at the house - nearly embarrassed myself by crying - saved by the bell when someone else came in and she had to go and serve them. I left money on the table and slipped out. Don't think she noticed.

Didn't get to the furniture store. Another night on the floor. Doesn't seem as exciting as it did yesterday.

Saturday 26th September
I've done it now- I've really gone and done it - and I don't know what to do! I know I shouldn't have - but it sort of just happened - a girl came by - had her hands cuffed together and carrying a bag of 'equipment'. She'd been experimenting with the cuffs - and they'd snapped shut accidentally, and she couldn't reach the key to free herself !! I unlocked her - and she said she was wanting to experiment with and get used to all the stuff in her bag - straitjacket, gags, cuffs and more. I told her she shouldn't - at least, not alone - in case she got stuck again. Don't ask me how, but I found myself helping her experiment - suddenly, it was back at that boarding school, with the new girls going through initiation. Was fun - just like 'old times'. And she didn't half scream nicely at the 'knife' trick! But she's upstairs still - hung on the wall in that straitjacket - I've got to figure out how to release her so she won't tell ..... this mustn't get back to daddy !

It's been all day now - she's still there and I don't know what to do - can't let her go in case she tells - but can't keep her here either.

Bloody fool that I am!

What to do? What the hell to do now?

Sunday 27th September 2009
Sitting outside the cafe again, worrying about what the hell I'm going to do with that girl. Spent all yesterday worrying about it. A slightly strange looking woman in a nice dress was blowing smoke rings - never seen that before - looked mystical! Overheard her talking about making potions for all sorts of things - and she offered to read the cards for me, whatever that means. Made an appointment to see her later at her shop. Maybe she can help.

On the 'plus' side - got my new house more or less furnished now - no more shivering on bare floorboards!

Damn this bloody place! Went home - got into my nice, new, luxurious bath and then heard someone creeping into the house - bloody maniac! he chased me out on to the street with nothing on!!! Just as well nobody was about - managed to get back in but he cornered me - had a knife at my throat. Then started asking me questions about folks - about Messa who works at the cafe - and the girl with the massage parlour - and about the fortune-teller lady and someone else I'd never heard of! I didn't know much to tell him - but thank god for that lady. She wondered where I'd got to for my appointment - and somehow, knew I was in strife - must be her gift! Never let it be said I don't believe in 'gifts' again ! Anyway - she came barging in to the rescue with a knife of her own. Got a little cut to my neck in the scuffle - but was dead lucky - and he scarpered.

The lady told me to get dressed and go see her - she'd sort out the cut on my neck and see what else she could do to help. She's lovely, and kind. I'm going there in a moment - will post this on the way. Maybe she's got the way out of my problem with the girl.

Tuesday 29th September
Well - this is strange and no mistake - I got to the fortune teller place - she sorted my neck out with an amazing potion - then - I explained my problem about needing something to 'help' someone forget some stuff - she said yes and offered to show me how it worked - by using it on me. So - don't know why I did but I said yes - she ruffled her fingers through my hair and spoke quietly - can't quite remember what she said - and she gave me a glass of potion to drink. I took a sip - then, immediately, I was hungry and thirsty - a whole day had passed - it was 'tomorrow' - while I took a single sip of this potion. I couldn't believe it !!!!

I'd been sitting in that chair for 24 hours, and had no memory of it at all. Don't know why that gypsy woman isn't rich, with that sort of power at her fingertips!

Wednesday 30th September
Sitting outside the cafe again - that 'orderly' from the clinic is at the far table - making silly gestures towards me - I'm ignoring her. There's another girl there - I inadvertently offended her but apologised immediately - you should have heard her reaction to a genuine apology - rude and coarse or what !!!

She's now talking to the orderly - she's troubled about something - she doesn't look happy - and it isn't just because of me. Wish I knew why - might lead me somewhere - I can't just sit about here forever without getting on with what I'm supposed to be doing. But it's so hard getting to know the place. Hope the orderly doesn't get the girl in her clutches too. A guy came up to them, the girl tried to flee but he caught her - strange! She looks angry rather than scared - wonder what is going on.

Well - strange things keep happening - saw the fortune-teller - Miss Aida - hoped she might give me that card reading she promised - she sat me down and gave me some refreshment while she got the cards ready - then - all of a sudden - she was called away to another appointment, and I felt just fantastic - like I was walking on air - even though I didn't get the reading. Just have to try again another time!

Came back to my apartment and saw a guy peering in my window - he's definitely 'hot bum the fifth' - wonder what happened to hot-bum the fourth - that craig guy - all those flowers and sweet talk - and he's vanished - hasn't bothered to find me for days - oh well - his loss. Hot-bum the fifth turned out to be a Mr P - odd name - whoever just calls themselves 'P'. Guess he does. He knows his manners - greeted me properly and was most polite. First guy I've met here that really does know how to behave. Wonder if our paths will cross again. Great bum.

While we were talking, that scared girl from outside the cafe turned up asking about someone called Simone. We got talking - her name is Mal - she's actually quite nice once you get to see past the coarse and unrefined first impression. Has a hard life I think - a little small change encouraged her to tell me more about what it's really like here - sounds like she's living a nightmare, poor thing. And probably a lot more like her. Daddy certainly seemed to know where to send me. Food for thought. I think we'll be seeing each other again.

Thursday 1st October

Well what a day.

Walked out of the house, and there was hot-bum the fifth - standing across the street! And of all the 'hot bums', by far the most well mannered! We chatted a few minutes - when that girl Mal came by wanting to see me - I introduced him to Mr P - and said I'd find her in a bit - she was very polite - quite unlike how she had been before.

Mr P took me to the bar over the road for a bottle of wine - it really was nice to have someone to chat with properly. Though something was wrong - in the bar he became fidgetty and ill-at-ease - don't know why - he didn't want to tell me - but I don't think it was 'me'.

After a pleasant evening with this amiable guy, took my leave and went to find Mal - saw this worrying sign on the door of 'Needful Things' - about the proprietor - sounded like she was kidnapped or something - ran to find a policeman - as usual, the authorities are nowhere to be found in this place when you want them. Finally found one down by the docks - gave her the notice - not convinced she'll do much with it - she looked at me sort of strangely - as though she thought I was responsible in some way. Where is the respect from the public servants - they're supposed to be serving the public ! not wandering around for the sake of it. Oh well - just this place I suppose.

Then went to find Mal but she'd gone- well - I did forget the time a bit over that bottle of wine - she'd probably given up waiting. I'll try to find her tomorrow.

Oh - and that girl is still upstairs - keeping her fed and watered - not so worried now I know what I'm going to do with her. Trying to keep her comfortable, but can't let her go quite yet.

Wonder what tomorrow will bring!

Friday 2nd October

Relaxing on my gorgeous rug in my lovely new home - reflecting on all the events of yesterday! My head is still spinning! Maybe this place isn't so bad after all!

Started today by having a 'play' with the girl upstairs - she's no longer such a worry now I know how I'm going to release her - but I'm starting to feel reluctant to let her go - its fun having her there. But I must - I know - and I will. Just not - today.

Then met a nice, well presented girl who just walked past my door while I was trying to work out what to do with that huge plant I've got in my window. (isn't it great- 'MY' window - in 'MY' very own house !!). Had a chat wtih her and told her to drop in for tea sometime.

Went to a new medicine shop - for something for my aching shoulders and arms - after all that decorating. I needed Edward and the boys here - I shouldn't be doing all this manual work. But - somehow - feels so satisfying now I'm seeing the results. Discovered it was run by the same 'Miss Ming' that lives next door! But I need to remember never to have tea there again - it was all I could do to drink it with a straight face!! The chinese don't know how to make proper tea !

And - I've had my very first real visitor to my home - was Ming - came round for tea - it felt so nice - it really did! And she said it was a nice house! Think she liked my tea too.

And guess what - I've got a job! The last thing I want or need! But then I realised this could be just what I was looking for - I need to understand and find ways of helping the girls here - and this job is to train serving girls to serve well, so that they will be happy in their work, and not end up being cruelly punished by those that they work for. I can do this - help the girls and learn a bit more about what goes on at the same time. Was taken to my new place of employment (out of town) for a try-out - a sort of job interview I think - they brought in a girl to try me out with - and what a shock - it was the same 'nice' girl that came by my house earlier - but no longer well presented and refined - instead, just a common serving girl!! Just shows you never can tell by appearances! She was not bad, but was inattentive and rude at one point. My technique seemed to work and she accepted it without protest and surprisingly good grace. I think she'll want to try harder next time. And I was accepted for the job - though made them pay more than they first wanted. Don't need the money of course - but it's the principle - a good job is worth paying for and should be paid for.

Did I say this was a boring sleepy place when I first got here? It's anything but, just a little underneath the surface !

Saturday 3rd October

Lying in front of the fire on my nice rug - I like my home ! It feels cosy and nice here, in a way that big house never did. And it's MINE !!!!!!!!

Had another visitor yesterday!!! Was that girl they tested me on for that job. Had a long conversation and gave her a cup of tea - good to start learning a little about her. The brief encounter we had had yesterday had obviously taught her something - without being asked, and even though I was getting her tea, she was trying to see to my needs. Good potential there.

met another two guys - both were smartly turned out - and seemed nice. The first - said his name was Riley - nice name - come up to me outside the cafe - out of the blue - and asked me out with him ! Normally I would have told him to go take a hike - one doesn't go out with a complete stranger on a first meeting - but he seemed nice - and amusingly, a little out-of-his-depth - he was obviously trying to behave properly, but anyone used to proper protocols would have seen through him in an instant. Had a little fun winding him up a little - he took it in good heart - he's nice in his way. Though what guy, gentleman or not, asks a girl out for a drink without having the faintest idea where he's going to take her? I suggested the new place opposite my house - we went there - and after an amusingly awkward time, we got sat down and I got my drink. All sorts were going on at the other end of the bar - this place turned out to be quite a 'dive'. Anyway - we'd barely started chatting when he got called away suddenly and vanished - leaving me alone, gazing at an empty chair. Quite the gentleman!! I have a hunch I'll be seeing him again.

Was cosy in the corner of the bar, watching the antics at the other side - I stayed a while - just musing - when blow me but another well-turned-out gentleman comes and introduces himself - a guy called 'mark'. Suddenly there are gorgeous guys everywhere !! Very forward of him - but he seemed nice too - and we had another amusing fumble with polite behaviour! I'm getting a bit more used to what to expect in his place. Anyway - I think I'll be seeing him again too.

I've never had guys around me like this before - it's sort of nice. Wonder if any of them will come round for tea.

Sunday 4th October

sis - listen - this is important.

That job - had a second interview - tell you about that in a minute. But something is telling me to be careful - I'm having to take on trust what this job is. I think it's all right - but just in case, I will keep writing to you every day or two - if you don't hear from me in a week, please give this letter to daddy and ask him to send Edward's security boys out to find me. They're more than a match for anyone I've seen here. I don't think it will come to this, or I wouldn't be taking the job - just minding my back. But you can't be too careful in a place like this. I've enclosed a note of the name, address and directions to the castle where I'll be employed. If they get there and can't find me - they should be able to trace me via Ming or Simone - Ming owns the chinese herbalist and takeaway businesses here - easy to track down. Simone is her cousin.

DON'T give this to daddy unless you stop hearing from me - I'll be fine - I'll keep writing.

Had another shock today - still getting over it - had a second job interview - was asked to demonstrate what I would do if I had to deal with a willfully misbehaving girl that I was training. Was in the middle of doing that - with the full permission of the girl I was demonstrating on - I made sure she was OK with it first - when the police walked in. Seems they want to arrest Ming but I didn't quite understand why. The police officer was pretty rude - and overstepped the mark. I was thinking about filing an official complaint - but I'll overlook it this time - maybe just a bad officer.

Anyway - the police officer went away without arresting anyone but I think she's plotting something - not I presume against me - we were doing nothing wrong at the time she barged in with her size 12 boots.

And I passed my second interview - the job is mine - though I haven't started yet. Will write tomorrow and tell you what, if anything happens.

Tuesday 6th October

Didn't write yesterday - didn't do much apart from potter about my new house.

But today - went to Zoe's - had her 'taste of England' - and it really did remind me of home. Well - not 'home' - but of where I live when I'm not here.

Overheard her talking about the pastor and a new project being started up at the old lighthouse. Went up there to look - and - you know - that preacher - or paster - was a woman !!!! And the strangest pastor I've ever met - she was nice - and made me laugh - and didn't seem at all put-out that I didn't show much interest in all that God stuff.

She wants to help the suffering folk here - I don't think she'll get very far unless she drops God and starts on practical things. But she probaby can't do that - she 's a priest (or is it priest-ess?). But - maybe I can use her project to help me spend some of this money in a way daddy'd approve of. And maybe I could actually help one or two girls here - I know I'm here to get daddy's blessing - but - it might be nice to be of some real help too, while I'm about it. God - there are those here that need it. Hard to figure out what to do though.

Not been to start my new job yet - maybe tomorrow. Hope that turns out well - but remember what I said sis - about telling daddy if I stop writing. Though I know he'd be furious - he'd not leave me in strife - he'd send the boys in.

Police haven't been round either - was wondering after that incident in the chinese place - hopefully they've forgotten about it - wouldn't surprise me in this place.

Wonder what romorrow will bring.

Friday 7th October

Well - got shown round the castle today - seen where I'll be working. It's a huge place - large and imposing! Seen where everything is - and I think I'll find my away around. Been given keys to all the doors - the place seems full of them - seen where the girls work, and sleep. Doesn't look like they get a lot of recreation though - I think this place works it's staff hard!

Lots of training 'equipment' here - not sure I'll like to use much of it - hope the girls behave themselves and try hard to learn. Not seem them yet though - still don't quite know how this is going to go. A bit nervous - wonder what I've let myself in for, and what happens if they don't like what I do. Remember what I said if my letters stop coming!

Probably start in earnest tomorrow - I'll let you know what happens.

Sunday 18 October

((Written in a slightly scratchy ane erratic style, and not on her usual paper))

Dear Sis

I'm all right! I'm sorry not to have written for so long - I was away. Had an opportunity to learn about the difficulties that some of the girls face here, first hand - I understand them a lot better now - daddy should be pleased. I even made a new friend, she may be travelling and pop in to meet you guys soon!

Has he sent Edward's boys yet - if not - he doesn't need to. I'm not home yet but I expect I soon will be, so nothing to worry about. I'll keep the letters coming so you'll know. If they've been sent already, please recall them - last thing I want is to have daddy's heavies arrive, angry at me for having been called out unnecessarily! I could use some more petty cash to cover some expences however if you could wire $15,000 through to this new account I'll love you forever sis. the cost of decorating here is horendous

Account number XX0XXX0XX0XX0,

I'm all right sis - really I am.

I can't say more now

your loving sister

Ceara

Wednesday 21 October

I can hardly believe it - I'm home. I'm filthy, I smell, need a bath, am sore all over, and my lovely house - something's happened to it while I've been away and it needs redecorated again. But I'm 'home' again, after the worst two weeks of my life. I think I'm in a dream.

Hope those people posted my letter to you a few days ago - tried to let you know I was ok - but - couldn't post it myself.

Did daddy send the boys? I guess I'll find out soon enough if he did - hopefully he hasn't yet - cause I'm ok.

Wonder if my job is still there. Wonder if I still want it. Sort of don't know quite how I feel about things any more.

Can't write more just now - tell you the rest next time - or some of it.

Thursday 22 October

Feel much better now - though was another night on the floor, with no furniture again last night. I was sitting, gazing at the bare wall wondering where on earth to start, and wondering if this was a dream, from which I would awake back in the hell of last week. When - you know what? - a girl I met over the last few days came round, with a little present and a nice friendly smile. Before I knew it - I was laying back in a lovely refreshing hot bath where she lives, and feeling much more human. Lara her name was - she was a light, just when I needed it, in a dark place. And the more amazing, because she barely knew me. For all that this place is full of unfortunate victims and uncouth, ill-mannered and downright nasty yobs, there are some lovely folk who really 'care' - to be found where you would least expect it.

I said I'd tell you more about where I've been, in the last letter. I'm sorry, but I really don't think I can bring myself to write about it. Suffice it to say, that I wanted to learn what 'life' was really like here - well, I've had more than a little taster and it's made me think. A lot. Both the nasty and the wonderful.

I'm still no closer to figuring out how to fulfill daddy's mission though. I hope that job is still held open for me - maybe it'll give me some inspiration.

One thing I am going to do though, is get me some serious defence. I need some sort of weapon - and more perhaps than pepperspray !

Sunday 25 October

Just woken up - and all mixed up. One minute I want this job - then I think where I've just been, and think I can't bear it.

Went to have breakfast at Stephs - ended up in a long talk with her - about religion, and the church, and rules or the lack of, and what it means to the people one might try to help. How clear rules are so necessary, as is folk following them. I think I do want that job after all - I see more clearly now.


God -why do things keep going wrong!!! I'm sitting on my sofa, with my right arm in plaster, loooking at a crowbar and dagger still lying on the messed-up rug. Disturbed someone earlier who'd broken in - she threatened me with a crowbar and demanded any valuables. I don't quite know what happened next - she said something - not sure what - brandishing that crowbar - and suddenly, I had to go and find Madam Aida - the fortune teller woman - no idea why but not the devil himself was going to stop me let alone some nyaf with a crowbar . I just went for her with that dagger - don't quite know what happened next - but somehow she got my arm with the bloody thing. Funny - I heard and felt the bone break - horrible - but didn't hurt - not then - but a few minutes later, god it was sore. Think she fell or something - I managed to get outside, but my legs went from under me - called the cops. Anyway - a cop came - useless - the woman came out carrying my jewellry box just as the cop was going in. To cut a long story short - we had another fracas - the cop scarpered and left this woman making off with my jewelrry. I caught up with her down the street, managed to get my jewelry back, left her in the street and went to wait for Madam Aida.

A long time later - someone came by and got me to the clinic - turned out to be someone that had helped me last week! And Mr P came - they got me to the clinic and got my arm plastered.

Now I'm going out to get this posted, and maybe find a cop to report all this to - that bloody woman is dangerous - she needs to be stopped!

What a bloody place this city is!!!!

Wednesday 28 October

((written in a scratchy, scrawl))

I'm fed up. Can't even write properly with this bloody arm, and haven't been out much these last few days. I'm bored with these four walls, but can't be bothered going out either. Don't know what's happened to that job I'm supposed to be doing - not seen my supposed new employers since I got back a week ago, and no answer when I phone. Maybe the castle's burned down.

Damn that woman and her crowbar - an the medics say it'll be a bit yet before I can be rid of this dratted plaster.

Not seen any police either - no wonder this place is violent. The cops might as well not be here.

And not seen any of those 'hot bums' for ages either. What's happened to all the bums in this place?

Damn it

But can't mope in the house for ever - maybe I'll go and do some moping from the lighthouse - church or not, there's a good view to look at out to sea from up there.